PAUL’S GLOSSARY OF PHOTOGRAPHIC TERMS
(copyrighted, please do not reprint without permission)
APERSURE : When you let the camera choose the opening for you.
SHATTER SPEED : The minimum camera speed that is fast enough to capture breaking glass.
SHUTTER BUG : The insect that hovers over your ear when you take a macro shot.
TRI I-POD : The latest 3-legged camera support with a built-in MP3 music player.
FOCOTAR : The paperweight in your office.
DARKROOM : the space where you store all your expensive German camera junk.
ENLARGER : The device you wanted to order from the x-rated Home TV Shopping channel which you can hide in the DARKROOM.
MICRODOL : What you have that made you consider buying an ENLARGER.
D-76 : The grade you got in your college photography elective.
ASA 100 : The general sentiment of photographers hoping they have taken the winning shot, prior to actually having the film developed.
TRI-X : What you generally do, when your ASA 100 doesn’t. Also, what Rudy De Leon tells you when you bring your pictures to him for printing.
KODAK DOUBLE-X : The score you get when you still submit your ASA 100 photos at the Kodak Cup.
SELECTACHROME : For delicious colors.
KODAK SW : Film you use on “Sa Walangkulay” days.
FUJI PROVIA : When people don’t believe you actually took those pictures.
SENSIA : What you give to clients when a shoot goes wrong.
APOCHROMATIC : What lens connoisseurs call their grandchildren.
POLARIZER : Anybody who instigates a camera equipment argument.
WARMING FILTER : A piece of glass that contains a shot of brandy or rum. Usually found in camera bags during out of town OTS contests.
SELECTIVE FOCUS : When it is time to get a new pair of eyeglasses.
STROBE vs. FLASH : The title of the new Hollywood movie for techno-geeks.
SUPERSIZE : A term best used to describe owners of 14 megapixel cameras who only print 4”x6”.
MEGAPIXEL : The corresponding increase in the weight of pixels when shooting the megastar.
LEICAVIT Rapid Winder : Device invented by Leica that gets you ready in a flash for another shot.
PHARMATON VIT : Just like the Leica, but without the camera.
DAVID HASSELbladHOFFS : Old men running round the beach trying to impress young women in red swimsuits with their vintage equipment.
CARMEN ELEKTRAS : Young women in red swimsuits who know nothing about vintage equipment but are still impressed nonetheless, mostly because of the size.
CONTEST RULES : What they give you every December, which you throw out every December as well.
CONTEST COMMITTEE : The people you bug for the next nine months to ask about the contest rules.
The true glossary of terms..
FOCOTAR. A lens manufactured by LEICA exclusively for enlargers. Said to be among the best lenses in the world.
Kodak manufactured a series of high contrast X films prior to the TMAX line. These X films had ISO ratings of 100, 200, and 400, and corresponded to Plus-X, Double-X, and Tri-X.
Microdol. A proprietary chemical used for black & white ultra fine-grain developing.
D-76. The standard black & white developing chemical solution.
FUJI FILMS, PROVIA & SENSIA. Proprietary film brand with vivid saturation.
KODAK EKTACHROME, SW. Proprietary film brand with saturated and warm tone.
POLARIZER. Filter that selectively blocks out light and reflection at certain angles.
WARMING. Filter used to bring the color temperature towards the orange band.
SELECTIVE FOCUS. A special photographic technique used on view cameras.
APOCHROMATIC. A designation for lenses specially corrected for chromatic aberration. Often the most expensive lens in its class.
JESUS PAUL C. YAN. The name of the creator of this original article.
THE PAUL YAN CHRONICLES. Proprietary name for articles written by Mr. Yan.